The book says ” You are Good at Things”. Not great or outstanding, not spectacular or phenomenal, not exceedingly brilliant or amazing, just good. But what if that’s all you ever achieve for everything you try : just good, mediocre, just “ok”. Does that mean you are amazing at doing things well and good, mediocre at best, ok, good but not great, but good enough to just get by. What does that leave you with? A life that promises no amazing talents or courageous feats? No perfectly awesome act of sheer greatness? A life of being good but never great at things is dissapointing at best. There is no striving for greatness or quest for perfection. Just an overwhelming feeling of just being, with no need to try harder because you know the ultimate outcome. What is the goal of someone who is only awesome at doing everything well? Mastering that one art. It’s not even an art just a planned out set of events with dependable outcomes of the same results.
It’s said insanity is attempting the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Does that make me insane? Constantly looking for that one iota of greatness at one thing that I know will never come? Is that even healthy or socially acceptable or normal? Are we, the purveyors of “being good at things”, just thriving lunatics searching for our next shot of crazy? Like a drug we can’t kick the habit of. Who are we? Crazy people trying everything oce; hoping and praying and swearing up and down that this will be the thing that I excel at. Only to be dissapointed at the realization that again we are just doing well at yet something else.
Am I just banging my head against a brick wall hoping for a change to just come to me? Absorbed from the bricks into my bloody cut up forehead, yearning for the secret yet unknown by my brain and entire being. The key to greatness and excelling. Just simply being great at something, anything. Some molecule, a mere second of epic awesomeness to just sprout forth. Where do they keep the secret? The Secret to it, to being great? Is there some initation I missed out on? Some mass immunization I didn’t get? A group meeting I missed the memo about? A How to Guide to Being Great at Something.
Being good at everything is not for the faint of heart it whittles you down to a carved out shell of yoruself. An old version of a new model that doesn’t quite live up to expectations. Quality NOT guarenteed. So here I sit trying my hand at something else, knowing it won’t be my great crowning glory. That it will just be ( like other numerous things) just another thing I am good at.
So why waste the time and the ink to write my mediocre, half thought out, insane musings down on paper? Beats me. Hell if I know. It just seemed like the thing to do when nothing else made sense. Write it down on paper, or graffitti on a fast moving train out of town, or a public restroom stall and hope someone looks at it and goes ” Hey I know that feeling. Wow it’s nice to know I am not alone. Kudos lady unknown artist, bathroom author, and wall defacer. It’s nice to see someone is out there fighting the fight for awesomeness and also losing. But hey for a minute in my mind….she was great. I wonder if she’ll ever know, maybe a warm breeze will blow by and whisper ’ hey you did it someone thinks you are freaking fantastic at something’ : maybe it will warm her soul and force a triumphant smile to her lips an internal ’ fuck yes I did it. I’m finally wesome at something’ and maybe that second will be enough. All that it takes to change her life and mine, and the guy down the road, or a single mother struggling to make ends meet, or the prostitute on the corner. Just to make a difference, in even a small way, would be something great”